I was dreaming. Obviously.
I was trying to sleep. Desi was whining from the living room. I slept and dreamed about someone close to me explaining to me why rape was okay and trying to convince me that I had "come so far" and that I shouldn't let this set me back.
I woke up from my dream in my dream. Ryan was at work. I felt terrible. I started hallucinating The Woman. I walked down to the leasing office in my apartment complex that, in my dream, was the K-8 school I'm currently placed at for field experience. I tried to eat an apple because I was hungry, but I couldn't force myself to eat. I threw the apple away. There were kids everywhere saying all kinds of things. Much of it wasn't kind.
I found myself very overwhelmed and walked back to my apartment. I started to feel like I couldn't breathe, so I went and sat in the closet, trying to feel safe.
It didn't help.
The walls closed in on me. I panicked. I couldn't leave the closet; The Woman was there. I started to cry, but the tears choked in my throat. I swallowed, then took a huge breath. Three shallow breaths. Hyperventilating. A huge breath. Small breaths. Hyperventilating. Tears. Over and over and over and over and over.
I heard Ryan come home, but he didn't hear me. He thought I was gone somewhere else. I couldn't move. The Woman threatened me. I couldn't breathe.
I woke up hyperventilating.
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