Mentally Ill Presents: Some Kind of Week

I've had kind of a week. It wasn't decidedly bad or good or even weird. It was just a week with a mix of those things.

My medication situation isn't where it should be right now. I ran out of refills for one of my medicines a few weeks ago (I haven't had it since August 23rd). My doctor's office doesn't accept patients calling about refills; it has to be their pharmacy. They are very adamant about this. I have contacted my pharmacy several times about the matter, but still no refill. I have an appointment to see my doctor in a week and a half, but that's another week and a half without my medicine.

I'm doing okay. I'm having nightly nightmares again and am more anxious and paranoid than usual, plus some hallucinations. However, it's nothing I can't handle. I've dealt with much worse.

My general mood is a little shaky. Sometimes I'm fine, but then the next minute I'm not.

I almost had a panic attack two days ago. I was sitting on the couch and suddenly I couldn't breathe and it felt like my chest was crushing my lungs, it was so tight. I went to the bathroom and sat in the bathtub for a few minutes. Ryan came to check on me and I just started crying. I had been all over the place all day; one minute I was fine, the next I was about ready to kill myself.

I have to refill my other medicines soon, too.

I hate living a life dependent on the cooperation of money, pharmacies, doctors, therapists, and medicine. But I need it right now, so I'll just have to deal with it.