Religious Journeying: Attempts at a Connection

I went to Church this past Sunday with a friend. The music was the best part. They had a live band that was decent and because of my history in Church music, I knew all the songs they did.

The sermon was okay. He talked about co-text (the actual words in the Bible) versus context (the environment in which words are said) in the Bible, but he didn't really talk about context. He just talked about co-text while describing it as context. He did lots of loud yelling into his microphone although the sanctuary was very small. It made me very uncomfortable. It didn't help, either, that he did lots of arm motions (which wasn't a problem), and whenever he moved my eyes saw his arms lagging behind in one large streak across my vision (that's the problem). It was really distracting. Not sure what was going on there.

My friend and I were talking the night before about Church things and she suggested that I get some physical things to help me feel connected to God. I thought that was an excellent idea, and have since reached out to my mom for my Bible and the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin, both of which I left at home when I went to college. I also bought a brown scapular with an image of Our Lady of Lourdes on it.  I have felt a special bond with Mary since my teenage years, and want to lean on her now as I attempt to slowly transition back into some form of Christianity. I have a Rosary that another friend of mine gave me.

I don't know what the future holds for me in this regard. I guess we will see.

Published Updates: More Articles!

So, school has started, so I've been pretty busy with work and classwork. Mostly work, to be completely honest.

However, since the last time I updated you all, I have published 2 more articles!

One of this articles can be found here and is about personally living with a schizo-spectrum disorder.

The second one can be found here and is a letter written for all of us college students that won't finish in the four year standard.

I have a third one that will be published next week sometime, so I'll post that one here, too, once it goes live.

I'll have some much appreciated free time this weekend, so expect some writing from me here!

When You Feel More Refreshed After An Afternoon of Lecture than You Do First Thing in the Morning

Nice weather permits nice feelings.
The walk home from orientation was much nicer than the walk to orientation.
Not as hot, not as sweaty, not as irritable, not as nervous.
The Wailin' Jennys turned up, but not so loud as to be blaring or as to totally tune out the passing cars.
Wind through hair, a minimal layer of sweat.
Good feelings.
In a word.....peace?
Perhaps.

Poetry Presents: Poem and Response

"Tumble out of bed
just as the sun crests the horizon.
Hobble over to the window.
Squint through the blinds.
Tug them apart, gently.
Let the light pour over you,
warm your cheeks, kiss your lashes, breathe
new air into your lungs;
scrub you, for a moment, clean.

-There's a new dawn every day. Hold on."
-S.S.

A response:

Clean is more than a word,
more than a description
of how far away from dirty we are.
Clean is a feeling.
New. Bright. Fresh.
Nothing clean is ever dirty;
don't doubt yourself.

-You deserve the happiness you want for yourself.

Writing Presents: PUBLISHED

I published my first online article for an actual publication today!

I wrote a short piece about interacting with someone that's schizophrenic.

You can find it here.

My friend, Ben, shared it and commented that it was one of the "strongest, bravest things" he's ever seen a student do.

I don't really feel brave publishing this. I feel very much afraid. This is kind of a coming out for me, about my mental illness. Not many people know that I am schizoaffective, and now I've told a part of the internet that people are actually going to see.

Perhaps in facing my fear of judgment and ridicule, I'm a little bit brave after all?

Poetry Presents: I Can Be As Healthy As I Want, But I Will Still Be Sick

My eyes say one thing

My ears say another

How long will I suffer

Living in one body,

Split between two realities?

I think I need some water

But being hydrated won't tell me what's real

And what's not

Writing Presents: Articles for the Odyssey

So, a few weeks ago, I sent in an interest request to write for an online publication called The Odyssey. I see lots of their articles on Facebook about lots of different things, so I figured, why not give it a shot?

I forgot about it, then this past Tuesday I get a text from the Editor in Chief of the Georgia Southern community. We talked for a few minutes, and she decided that I would be a good addition to the team.

I wrote my first article. It will be published soon, for the entire internet to see, though, I'm not sure exactly how soon. It was due today, so it'll be up soon. I'll post a link here.

My first article is me stepping forward about my mental illness. It's me saying, "I have schizophrenia and that's okay." I'm nervous for it to be published to Facebook, because that's about 400 people that can see it. Not all 400 will read it, of course, but at least a few will see it.

I will still be writing more personally here, though, but I will also be posting the things I'm writing for The Odyssey.

This is an exciting time for me. I'm getting to write more publicly about anything I please. I think I'd like to write more about mental illness and body positivity, especially in relation to my life. I might even have an impact on someone. That person might even me myself.